Things That Piss Me Off

There are a shitload of things that piss me off, and that's an understatement. I'm not talking about things that annoy or irk, I'm talking about the shit that will make someone snap and crash an ice cream truck into a diabetic's clinic, or eat a big mac in front a group of hungry homeless kids, or vote for Hilary Clinton. Hey, what a coincidence, Hilary Clinton is one of the assholes who piss me off. Well actually Hilary Clinton falls under an entire category of people who piss me off. I'm sure all of you are very familiar with this category: the manipulating-politician-who-is-so-full-of-shit-you-can-see-it-leaking-from-the-wrinkles-in-their smug-faces category. I often fantasize about drowning all of them in a pool of bullshit, the irony would be too much to bear... for the first couple of minutes. Then its back to drowning politicians in bovine excrement. One thing that I hate more than dirty, self-serving, lying politicians (is there another kind?) are the dumb shit heads that blindly follow those assholes. They're too stupid to see that their master is the same manipulative asshole as the assholes he's running against. They faithfully cling to their master and shut out all reason and opposing opinions.This also applies to idiots who cling to their ideological label, ie. republican, democrat, liberal, etc. I've found that most of those that cling to their ideological label do so with religious zeal and amazing stupidity. The only reason they hold onto their beliefs so strongly is because their stupid daddies held onto his beliefs so strongly and they're too stupid to think for themselves. Its like they receive a monthly paper titled "Your Opinion" that tells them what to believe. Stop following your party you dip shit and form an opinion of your own. I think I'm going to start a political party called the Sexy Party and the party members have to blindly accept whatever I tell them. Every day I'll tell them what their opinion is on various issues and what to do about them. First order of business: your opinion on politics is that its all corrupt and full of shit, go and vote for the Sexy Party because we just want whats best for you.

That took up more space then I thought it would, so here is a list of things that piss me off (the ones I can remember anyway) and a brief description.

• Hypocrites. Most of the people listed below share this trait.
• Feminists. Women who perceive everything to be an attack on their sex and harbor resentment at the obvious superiority of men. Don't be bitter because women have always had an insignificant role in the world, now go shave your pits and put on a bra.
• Ignorant people. There are just so damn many, and I hate them so damn much.
• Stupid people. This is pretty broad but I think its broad enough to encapsulate most of humanity. That's right, most of humanity pisses me off.
• My shitty, barely-functional computer. I think its possessed.
• Posers, or generally people who sacrifice their individuality in order to fit in. Bunch of vaginas...
• Happy commercials. Stop being so f.ucking happy, the world sucks and pretending otherwise won't get me to buy your product
• Emo people. For those of you less hip people "emo" people are the douche bags who are in a perpetual state of self-inflicted angst and pretend to have problems so they can feel sorry for themselves.
• Politicians and political fanatics. I already wrote a huge paragraph on this, what more do you want.
• Gangstas. These are the dumbasses who go around with size xtra large pants and talk like they have a speech impediment because its in style to be a retard these days. People who follow dumbass trends in general piss me off, they're too stupid to realize they look like they're in Special Ed. I think I'll start a trend where you put your head in a fishbowl and fill it with water. You'll be so cool you'll be seeing stars.
• Uptight people, a.k.a. my neighbors. These are the people who walk around with a broom handle up their asses. They've been sheltered among their privileged social group all their lives and anyone that differs from their behavior is to be feared and shunned.
• Assholes. Now, I know some of you may be ready to say "OMG U T0TALY SED U WER A A$$H01E BEFOR!!!11". Before you send your barely legible crap let me point out the difference: I'm an asshole by choice because it amuses me, I'm talking about the natural assholes who treat other people like dirt to inflate their fragile ego.
• My amazingly bad luck. If I were to play Russian roulette a hundred times in a row I would die ninety-nine times. The one time I didn't get shot is because I pointed the gun at the other guy's head instead of mine... and it was a blank.
• Children. They're like the roommate that's high all the time. They go around touching all your stuff and eating all your food and never pay the bills. Get a job. I don't care if you're two feet tall, some employer in Thailand will still hire you.
• **Bratz Dolls. Gather around girls and learn how to become the pampered, superficial, self-absorbed whores that society values so much! These plastic pieces of shit put so much emphasis on looks and acting like a badass "brat" that they give impressionable girls the wrong message. These mini-whore dolls are telling girls to value fashion and other trivial shit over essential things that they will need for their future, like learning how to cook and make babies, sometimes at the same time.
• **MTV's Sweet Sixteen. Hey, wanna watch a show where spoiled, over-privileged shitbags throw a bitch fit over how symmetrical their cake needs to be for 30 minutes (or however much time this shitfest of a show wastes). I feel like these assholes are bratz dolls incarnate. When I'm ruler of the world I'm gong to get all the "sweet Sixteen" people and sell all their possession, right before I feed them to the poor. That's right, I'm going to sell all their precious little toys and then cook them (alive) and feed them to all the less privileged people who can't even afford food. I figure if they're going to waste their lives on superficial shit then I might as well make use of them in death. It will be the best thing to come out of their sorry-ass existence.
• **Crazy religious assholes (in loving memory of Terry).I loathe them with a passion, in particular Evangelicals, with their freakishly massive and expensive churches. Does anyone but me see the hypocrisy in spending more money on a church than you do on charity? Oh, and another thing, THE UNIVERSE IS NOT 6000 YEARS OLD DUMBASS. It takes a special kind of stupidity to believe the things that they do against all evidence that they're wrong and that they're raving idiots. I'm pretty sure God never planned on making people as stupid as Evangelicals, so my advice to them is follow God's plan and go chug a bottle of Clorox. This doesn't apply strictly to Evangelicals. I'm talking about all the religious zealots who value blind acceptance of scripture over reasonable and realistic thought.
• **Patriotic Americans. They masturbated to the American flag while screaming "God bless America". What did America do to warrant such an honor, besides blatant imperialism, genocide, corruption, slavery, and extreme prejudices to non-white races. These people are infamous for obnoxiously declaring their country and all its inhabitants to be the master race of the world while being stunningly ignorant of every other country out there. Hey, here's an idea, maybe you should have another run-through of the defunct American educational system before declaring your country to be superior to all others.
• My sucky-ass memory. It never fails to screw me over at the worst times. When I was younger I would routinely forget my name, and I'm talking about kindergarten to first grade. Yeah, its that bad.

I can't remember any other stuff so I'll add it later, but right now I don't feel like it.  Don't worry, if I haven't offended you yet it only means that I'm not done.

**Added bullets will have two asterisks beside them.